Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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