Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
