her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
