Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
