I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Don't make out with my wife yet
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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