Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
