It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
