i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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