She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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