Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
