I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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