She's JV to your varsity
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you made out with another girl for some wings
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
