I feel like abortions should bother me more
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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