Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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