I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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