So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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