I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
