So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
