no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
