I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
