OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
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Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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