Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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