Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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