They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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