While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
