you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
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At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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