We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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