so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
