just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
