I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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