hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
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It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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