I think my fart just growled at me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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