My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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