I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
