Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
