Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
