i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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