so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
