I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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