omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i already hear my dad disowning me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize