Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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