yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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