If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
