Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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