"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
