Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
