and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
