tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
