what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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