Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
