Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
