i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
