No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
