Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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