people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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