85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
