I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
