Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
