I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
