i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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