she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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