My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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