if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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