i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
