I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm too high and old for this...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
