The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
