im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
