Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Two words: blizzard sex
I just forgot I was standing up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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