some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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