I'm lost and stupid without you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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