Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
