Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
