I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I just sharted jello shots
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
