My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
