It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
