Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
