I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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