i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize