is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
