Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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